Always Have
by SpeedBump
Summary: E/O The hug and the fallout when Kathy and Elliot split once more. one shot.


...so I'm once again bored...and while I like to think I have outgrown writing fanfictions...well idle hands are the devil's playthings...ya know? I don't own nuthin'!

That day, at the hospital, it wasn't the first time he'd touched her, but it was one of the few. She was leaning against the sterile hospital wall, physically exhausted and emotionally drained, waiting for him to get there. When he came swaggering out, relief broke across her face and she smiled. He grinned down at her with cocky relief and they exchanged words. One last smile and he moved past her, she turned to follow him out, exhaustion settling back over her, her eyes dropping. She ran into him as he turned, his hand catching her forearm, and she found herself trapped against his shoulder, inside his jacket. Surprised, she pressed stiffly against him before she allowed herself to relax. She sighed and her eyes involuntarily closed. Her hands clung to his shoulder blades, and he whispered in her ear. At that moment, everything she'd ever forced herself not to consider, all the emotions she'd squashed raced to the fore and she avoided his eyes when he set her from him.

Two months after that Elliot spent a week solid being angry and sarcastic about everything anyone said. He yelled at the perps and tried his damnedest to pick fights with everyone he could. Liv ignored him, walked away, immersed herself in paperwork and coffee, hummed in the squad car, and bided her time. Finally on Friday, when Cragen finally had enough of Elliot's sour mood, he called him into his office, read him the riot act and told him to cut out early and not to bother coming in Monday morning unless his attitude was significantly adjusted. Elliot stalked out of the office, wishing for something to beat on. Liv caught up with him in the locker room.

"come on, let's go." Elliot glared up at her through the half-light.

"what?" he responded tersely. Olivia sighed.

"call Kathy, tell her you're going out for drinks and you'll be back late." Liv left before Elliot could brook argument with her, and he sat alone in the darkness, mouth open, fuming, holding his overcoat. But he knew. Of all the people qualified to push him around, Olivia had certainly put up with the most of his shit over the years. Setting his teeth, Stabler followed her out.

To his surprise, Liv leads him out on the street. They walked in silence, weaving between pedestrians, buffeted by the chill winter winds. Stabler felt his irritation draining as he followed Liv. She walked quickly, ignoring him, berrying her chin in her scarf. The light began to fade and in the gloaming and bustle of Manhattan on a early winter evening he felt the chip on his shoulder recede and for a precious few blocks beside Olivia, he forgot about Kathy and the ruining of his life. Finally Olivia paused at a lighted door and gestured to him.

It was an old Irish-style pub, with dark wood, too much smoke, and hidden booths. Olivia shoved him and her coat at one of the ones by the door and continued on to the bar. Elliot sighed and slid into the booth. Liv returned with two dark draft beers. She slid into the booth, her hair falling across and hiding her face from him for a moment. He took the beer, she wordlessly proffered at him, took a short, bitter, sip, and looked up at her. She was still ignoring him.

"Are you just going to ignore me all night?" He realized after he said it how whiny he sounded. Olivia glanced at him over her beer.

"I don't know. It depends." She went back to her beer. Elliot sighed.

"on what?" his irritation was returning.

"well do you want to tell me why you've been doing your best to be a royal pain in our collective asses this week, or do you want to fight?" Her dark eyes pierced him. Damn the woman for knowing him so well. His irritation deflated. He sighed

"Kathy and I split again. I'm out of the house." Liv sipped her beer, not looking at him.

"Oh really." He nodded slowly, the pain washing back through him.

"I think for good this time." He whispered. That was his MO. Get angry, get mad, because if he didn't he'd cry like a baby.

"do you want to talk about it?" Liv's voice is guarded. Elliot shrugs. Liv bites her lip and touches his hand. Stabler can't help it, tears slip down his face. He manages, in broken whispers, to tell Olivia that Kathy had confessed to him little Eli wasn't his. Olivia's face goes white and the pressure on his hand increases.

"She used me." He mutters. "She used me and my goddamn sense of right and wrong."

"Holy shit." Olivia can't find any other words to express her shock. Some minuets pass by, Stabler gets a hold of himself, wipes his tears away. Olivia is hesitant to pry. "did she tell you who-?" she can't bring herself to ask. Elliot shakes his head and kind of laughs.

"She doesn't want the guy dead." Olivia snorts and stands up, needing to do something to help. "you hang out here, I'll be right back."

She returns with five shots. Stabler brushes off his face once more.

"are you kidding, Liv?" Olivia makes a face at him.

"I am not. You need to get good and drunk. I don't think there's much I can do to help you, but I've got a paycheck to buy alcohol and an empty and oh-so-comfortable couch. Drink up." Elliot sighs.

"I'm not a fucking frat boy, you know." Olivia forces a glass into his hand.

"well you're drinking like one tonight." Elliot rolls his eyes and pounds the shot back.

Sometime early morning later, Olivia struggles out of a cab with a wasted Elliot crushed against her. She staggers under his happy, sloppy drunk weight. His arm weighs on her shoulders as she pays the driver and fumbles for her keys.

"Liv. Liv. Liv, where are we?" Elliot sways dangerously and Liv scrambles to catch him before he tips. Olivia grunts as she pushes him towards the stairs.

"my apartment. Climb, soldier." Elliot stumbled up the stairs before her mumbling.

"Always tellin' me wha t' do, always tellin' me wha t' do. Can't a man do t'ings on his own 'nemore?" Olivia smiled in the darkness and followed him up the stairs, catching up with him and sliding underneath his arm. "there's you are." Stabler smiled crookedly down at her as she unlocked the door.

She dropped him on the couch when they finally succeeded in maneuvering through the door. Stabler had a death grip on her waist and she was cuddled under his armpit, her arms wrapped around his torso.

"ah Liv. Liv Liv Liv." stabler seemed to enjoy repeating her name. She ignored him and pulled on his coat sleeve, rolling him towards the back of the couch. "you know-" Stabler grunted as Olivia rolled him into her legs to pull his jacket off. "-Kathy- always insane' jealous ayou. Ever'time we fough' she'd make some sor' of acc'usation that you're in love wi' me." Olivia straightens above him, throwing his coat on the chair. Elliot's hand wraps itself around Olivia's knee and he peers up at her drunkenly in the darkness of her apartment. Olivia looks down, and her hair swings forward to hide her face and she's frozen silent. Elliot's grip on her knee tightens.

"knew I shouldn'ta said nuthin. Can't help it. Can't help it atall." Olivia's hands come down to pull off his tie and there is a suspicious sniffle. Elliot's big drunken hand comes down over hers and she visibly flinches. "Olivia." The moonlight is shading through the uncovered windows and he can see tears tracking down her face, not far from his own. Her eyes are locked on his hand, covering hers. They slowly make their way up to his. "damit Liv, youknow- youknow ever't'ing 'bout me." The hand on her knee moves, massaging the muscle keeping her upright. She looks down at his hand again. "I love ya Liv. Always have." She bites her lip, manages a twisted grin.

"you're drunk, Stabler." He nods, closing his eyes.

"always have, Liv. Always have." his hands slacken and she pulls his tie off. Stabler's eyes have closed and his breathing slows down. She ruthlessly unbuttons the top buttons of his shirt and pulls his belt and gun from his waist. Stabler groans and shifts against the pillows and Olivia jerks back. She bites her lip and stares at Elliot's sleeping face for a long moment. Then she turns to get a blanket and a glass of water. The moonlight catches the tears streaking down her face.

The next morning Olivia was the first to awake. She lay there motionless for a few moments and the events of the previous evening came back to her. She sighed and drug herself to her bathroom. She emerged a short time later, viciously yanked on a tattered pair of jeans and a t-shirt, mumbling under her breath. She paused for a long moment, listening at her bedroom door before one more sigh.

Stabler was still asleep on the couch. He'd kicked his blanket off and at some point managed to stick his hand down his pants. He lay in the shaft of sunlight streaming through her window, curled in the fetal position, snoring. Olivia stood for a long moment, watching him. She strode purposefully to the kitchen and went about starting up her coffee maker. She grabbed a yogurt cup from the refrigerator, slamed it shut behind her and stalked to the front door to grab the paper. There was a startled snort from the couch and Elliot came awake. Olivia let the door snap shut behind her and rustled back towards the kitchen. Pretending not to notice, Olivia set down at her kitchen table and spread open the paper. She ripped the top off of her yogurt There was some grunting and fumbling heard from the other room. Slow footsteps made their way to the kitchen. Elliot leaned helplessly against the doorway.

"Jesus Christ, Liv. What did you do to me last night?" Olivia didn't look up.

"I made some coffee. Mugs are in the usual place." Elliot registered her tone as he trudged towards the coffee maker. He swung one of the cabinets open and searched out a nice floral patterned mug. He filled the mug up and trudged back to the kitchen table. He sat down next to Olivia, he knew, far too close for her personal space bubble. He sipped his coffee and set it back on the table and stared at Olivia.

"Alright. What did I say last night?" Olivia turned a page.

"not much." Elliot grimaced.

"well there has to be some reason you're pissed off at me." Olivia sighed.

"it's nothing." she shook her head and stared back at the paper. Elliot rubbed his hand down his face and scooted closer.

"really?" he laid his hand on her knee. "'cause I seem to remember it was something significant." Olivia's entire body stiffened. There was a pause.

"I'm not your godam rebound, Stabler." Elliot's face darkened.

"That's not what I said."

"no, it's not. How long has it been since you left your wife? A week?" Olivia turned another page. Elliot took a deep breath and rubbed his hands over his face once again.

"alright, alright. I'll give you space. But I spoke the truth, Liv, the godam truth." He stood up and stalked back into the living room, shrugging on his coat and pocketing his belt and tie and gun. Olivia stared hard at the corner of her kitchen walls.

"one more thing." He was back at the kitchen doorway. "don't go running away from me like you like to do. No transfers out, no new partners, no undercover work. I'll give you all the time and space you need, but you go running away, we're never gonna resolve this."

By the time Olivia dragged her watery gaze from the junction of the wallpaper in her kitchen he had gone.

The next few weeks drug by at the office. Elliot let his temper drop, he was polite and distant towards Olivia. She was quiet, reserved, mechanical. Very often her thoughts were elsewhere. Finally, after weeks of this arrangement, they managed to solve a difficult case. As usual the team met at the local bar to celebrate. Olivia entered late, being the last to finish her paperwork. As she shook off her coat she surveyed the warmly-lit bar. Her glance snagged on Elliot. He was tipped back at the bar, laughing at Munch. He turned at the bar and grinned at her as she made her way towards them. For the first time she allowed herself to feel, blocking out the normal protests from her brain. He was gorgeous, there was no way around that. Heat flashed through her stomach and she remembered his weight against her as she crashed out of the cab, as she fumbled for her keys. The solidness of him, that memory broke across her mind and there could be no other answer or decision. Good or bad, they owed it to each other to give it a shot. She couldn't hide any more.

She remembered smiling and the sparked response in Elliot's eyes as his arm and drink settled around her shoulders, pressing her towards his chest. Her hands, of their own volition settled against his waist and she gave in. She gave in to the smell of whiskey and smoke coupled with his aftershave and she knew. As long as she remained around Elliot, no other man would measure up, no one else could take his place. Their partnership, as strained as it was sometimes, was a prelude.

Later that evening, after both having a few, but not too many, Olivia decided to catch a cab home. Elliot insisted on seeing her home. He insisted on walking her from the cab to the door of her apartment. She only put up a little fight, and Elliot's hand rode on her lower back the entire length of the elevator ride. At the door, she was fumbling for her keys and his hard hot hand found her elbow. She froze. He whispered in her ear,

"Liv, you know how I feel. Yes or no." Her breath caught and she slowly turned to face him in the hallway. Tears glinted in her eyes. She bit her lip and looked down at her hands there was a space of silence when Elliot's eyes bored holes into hers. Then slighty, she nodded.

"yes-" escaped in a rush of breath as Elliot trapped her back against her door, holding her against him as tightly as he could.

Wordlessly his mouth found her temple, and then pulling back, her mouth. She yielded and he tasted the salt of her tears. His one hand trapping her against him, he turned the key she had left in the lock and they stumbled through the door. Olivia broke from his lips, hiding in his shoulder, laughing. He kicked the door closed behind him, dropped the key, and found her lips again. Her arms locked around his neck and she sighed into him, her lips and tongue yielding beneath his onslaught, lost, utterly lost. They swayed in the moonlight, shedding clothing and fears.

The next morning Olivia woke to the solid satisfying feel of a man against her. Elliot's breath blew hot and heavy in her ear. A smile dawned on her face and she lifted her hand. She turned into him, brushed her hand against his stubble, stared at his face in the half-dark of morning. His mouth open half-way and his breath hissing between his teeth. Smiling she ducked her head and burrowed into his chest. Elliot slowly came to wakefulness, aware that someone was sucking on his neck.

"Are you kidding me." he groaned. Olivia laughed beneath him as he rolled to trap her. He squinted down at her as his body settled against her. Her laughter brushed his cheek and he covered her lips with his. "always have, Liv, always have." He muttered into her ear.

wooooooohoooooooooooo I liked it! Anywho... hooray for that!


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